I can scarcely believe it. The Yewnited States humans have gone and elected the orange Ginny Pig man yet again. All I can say is WHY??

It makes me sad to think of the Yewnited States Humans that I know, especially Art Human, Grumpy Human and Camera Human who I know were working very hard to get Kamala Harris elected and were full of great hopes.

I know that lots of She Humans (including my own) had great hope for the first ever She-Human President of the Yewnited States. But that was not going to be, at least this time.

Perhaps it is because I am a cat and I don’t understand human things very well, but the Orange Oompah Loompa of Vengeance stumped his way round the Yewnited States, drivelled his way through many long and tedious speeches which were mainly about how he was going to be horrible to various groups of humans when he gets into power. Immygrants, journalists, She-Humans, any kind of clever humans and anyone who has ever said anything to upset him. Whereas Kamala-Human made lots of lovely speeches about nice things like working together and being kind (especially to cats, I hope). Her speeches were far better. His weren’t just word salad, they were word compost. But still, a lot of Yewnited States humans voted for the Orange One.

I find all this hard to understand, especially when Kamala-human says that everyone has to be kind to each other. They have to be kind even to the Republycans. Now this is where I fail to understand. If it had been me rather than Kamal-Human, I would have gone round to the Orange One’s house and sharpened my claws….on his shins. But I suppose this is why she was running for President of the Yewnited States and not me.

I was talking to the She-Human earlier and she said to me ‘Mont, you now have a very important job to do. There are lots of people who are upset about the Orange Sh*tgibbon getting elected against. These are good people, not like the ones who stormed the Capitol last time. So it is your job to be in charge of morale, you must follow the doings of the Orange One and mercilessly take the p*ss out of him. Satire is a far more effective weapon than aggresshun – only thing that gets hurt is someone’s view of themselves’.

I was going to disappear into the garden and hide in the grass and hope it would all go away. I mean I am only a suburban cat who likes nothing more than cat biscuits and a nice sleep on the humans’ bed.

But I have been summoned to duty to help the humans of the Yewnited States. The She-Human reliably informs me that he-humans (especially big orange ones) get really upset when people laugh at them. She tells me that the Ginny Pig man hates it even more than most. So here at Chairman Meow we are going to become one-cat (and one She-Human) satire machine. The She Human says ‘well done Mont, satire is fun and Trump gives us all so much to be satirical about’.