It’s all been happening at my house with my humans. The She-Human is still confined to her little room writing her dissertayshun and the He-Human and I have been doing our thing, he has been reading a lot of his books and I have been making sure he gets some exercise by making him let me in and out of the garden so I can do my patrols.

The days when I could sit in front of the TV with the She-Human with her doing her nitting, stopping only to feed me some of my favourite biscuits seem to be a thing of the past. I have packed up one of her little bags with her nitting wool and a packet of biscuits as a bit of a hint for her. She promises me it won’t long now. I am getting quite excited about the US Pollyticks now, with their elecshun not far off. I like US elecshuns because they involve hot dogs, which are very tasty indeed.

Talking of the Yewnited States, I had a worrying few weeks recently. The She-Human kept going to the Sennit House in the human-carrying car with the He-Human. I was very worried to hear this. I didn’t know that my humans were going to go to the Yewnited States to go to the Sennit!! I mean, who is going to feed me and let me in and out. I can ask the neighbour humans as they have their hands full with Spunj the ginger ninja. Do they want me to go back to the cat’s home?

I was getting pretty upset, after all I have a very nice little number here in my house and I have got the humans trained just how I like it, so you can imagine that I was very worried indeed.

In the end, I had to demand an explanation from the She-Human because it is her who keeps talking about going to the Sennit. I asked her about this gross dereliction of duty and just what exactly did she think she was going deserting me to go to the Yewnited States. I know she doesn’t like the orange s**tgibbon (the He-Human’s description, not mine) but really…! This might be above and beyond even her pollytickal duty.

Then she laughed! ‘oh Mont’ she said. ‘This sennit is a place in London, very close to our house. It is where my yewniversity has its library. I can’t keep subsidising Mr Jeff Bezos human by buying any more books, so I have to go to the Sennit House library to get some more. That’s all’. She went on to explain to me that lots of places all over the world have sennits, there are thousands of them, not just in Washington DeeCee next door to Joe Biden’s house.

I have to say I was quite relieved and am looking forward to normal service being resumed as soon as possible.

Well, as normal as normal usually is in this house. We had some excitement a few days back when the He Human was having a nice read on the bed in the afternoon. She-Human was in her little room and I was out in the garden attending to my admin.

He decided he was having way too much fun reading some ancient human called Cicero and decided to get up to make some tea. Then he slipped, fell off the bed and got stuck between the wall and the bed and couldn’t extract himself. I hear that he yelled like mad and the She-Human deserted her studdies and hurried to help. After some time, it was clear that the She-Human (who has pretty superhuman strength sometimes) was defeated. After wondering what to do for a while, they got in touch with the neighbour humans Lifeboat-Human and Nursery-Human, who dashed to the rescue.

Poor old He-Human was pretty fed up by now of being stuck on the floor, but even Lifeboat human on his own was unable to get him back on his feet. Fortunately Lifeboat Human is very resourceful type of human and sped off to call in some backup, which arrived in the shape of another neighbour human. Fortunately between Lifeboat-Human and Nick the Neighbour Human they dragged the He-Human out of his predicament and he was back on his feet in no time. He is none the worse for his ordeal and only has a few bumps and bashes to show for it.

We are very fortunate that Spunj next door has such good humans! The She-Human in the meantime has been saying that only the He Human would need to have the lifeboats called out to sort out his mishap.